The last time

Here I am, 38 weeks pregnant and wanting so desperately to not be pregnant anymore.

I love being pregnant, I really do.

I adore almost every moment of it: The expanding belly, the kicks and pushes, the little hiccups, the cravings, the love from my hubby and sweet boys.

Regardless of all these amazing moments, I want this baby out. I want him out so badly that I have actually been trying to force labor this time around. I have tried eating a super spicy bowl of green chili stew several times, minor contractions then nothing. I've walked quite a bit, minor contractions and horrible lower back pain then nothing. I have tried pumping which I have heard from a few people works... not for me. Tried a few times, minor contractions then nothing. Lastly, Phillip and I tried what got us into this baby mess in the first place ;) and of course minor (but stronger) contractions, then nothing.

I want this baby out for selfish reasons. My body is hurting horribly, I have backpain that I have never felt before and sometimes it makes me want to cry. I am tired all the time. This isn't great when you already have 2 boys and the days are beautiful. They want to play outside and I just want to lay in bed or on the couch. I'm cranky and taking it out on my husband and little men. No fun. I want to lose this baby weight already!

This morning, I woke up frustrated. I didn't want my husband to go to work. I wanted the both of us to be heading to the hospital, ready to go thru this bittersweet experience one last time. Then it hit me... this is the last time. The last time for so many things.

The last time... that we will be a family of 4.

The last time... Gage will be the baby.

The last time... I will be pregnant.

The last time... I will experience labor and snuggling a newborn.

The last time... that I will feel these kicks and pushes.

The last time... that my body will ever have 2 heartbeats inside it at one time.

The last time... my husband will kiss my belly to show love to a sweet child.

The last time... I can set Gage on top of my belly and not on my hip.

The last time... that Iden will snuggle on my belly for a pillow while watching tv.

The last time... that I will be able to sleep thru the night for a while!

The last time... that I will try to make something happen in my timing instead of God's time.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

I am a worrier, I overthink everything, I long to have control of any and all situations, I want things to happen the way that I hope and dream them to. All of my reasons for wanting Knox to be born now point only to me. I am selfish. I need my baby to grow, to develop his organs, to be strong. I need to be thankful for these last moments that God is giving me with Phillip, Iden and Gage. I need to pray for the changes that are to come and how this new baby will affect our family. I just need to stop complaining and be thankful.

Today, friends, I hope you are able to put your stress, worries, anxious thoughts aside and remember that God has great plans for you. Too many times I want things to happen in my planning and timing.. but when I wait on the Lord it comes out so much sweeter and so perfect. To him be the glory.


Becky

Begin.

I have a journal.
There is nothing written in it.
I've had it for a few weeks.

The purpose of this journal was for me to intentionally seek out things to be thankful for in our everyday crazy home. I got it on clearance at Target but it has some of my favorite colors and is an adorable pattern. Makes me happy :]
So why is it empty?
Because I'm looking for the right moment. I'm waiting for the right day.
Have you ever done this? I've done it alot.
I'll start working out on the first of the month.
I'll start reading my bible on Sunday.
I'll start eating right at the new year.
I'll have a better attitude in the morning.
I'll drink more water tomorrow.
I'll stop eating so many Girl Scout Cookies after this box.

We want the fresh start at the beginning. At least I do. So at first I decided to wait until a Sunday because that was the start of the week. Then, I wanted to follow the Joy Dare exactly... but I couldn't find things on that day that matched right... so I waited until the next day. Then, I wanted for my first note of thankfulness to be something written beautifully and something amazing. It wasn't happening that day. Excuses. Set backs. Expectations. I am missing everything around me.

It hit me this morning as I was laying clothes out on my bed to hang up... I'm passing by so many moments of gratitude because I'm wanting some poetic, beautiful moment to begin. Why?
I don't need to start fresh at the beginning of the day/week/month/year.
I don't need to begin with the most beautiful moment to give thanks.

Begin where you are. Life is messy. I am a mess. God called me as I am.
I don't want my expectations to lose sight of the things that I am thankful for. The things that I could be passing by seeing them as mess, as routine, as small. So this morning I looked around and found so many little things that made me smile, filled me with joy, made me laugh... that I am so thankful to God for opening my eyes to.

~ The mess of DVD's that Gage proudly pulled out of the basket.
~ Iden's super hero's on the floor, I can hear his imagination and play.
~ Dishes in the sink, thankful for the food that God provided to make them that way.
~ Little socks laying on the floor in my room.
~ The chairs that my children sit in at the table to hold hands and pray over meals.
~ Sweet baby, stretching out my skin and leaving marks for me to remember these months.
~ Kisses from my husband.
~ The sun shining through the windows.

God, open my eyes to see. To see the small and the great moments. The beautiful and the messy. Help me to soak it all in, to be filled with gratitude.

The day is starting. My journal is no longer empty and I am ready to seek God's blessings.



Becky

Well, life is just crazy. I planned on doing the Joy Dare and keeping track of the many little and amazing things that God has blessed me with. Then I got sick and was lethargic and in bed for almost an entire week. I didn't write anything down, I didn't take any pictures (I also wanted to start doing a picture a day). But, I was able to rest thanks to my wonderful hubby. I was able to still read my daily bible reading... or have it read to me thanks to my Kindle Fire.

I keep saying that I want to blog more. I am actually going to schedule times and days for me to get this done. Sounds crazy but I think I need time to write, vent, show thankfulness, share about my family and maybe even brag/share about the craftsy and organizing things that I'm doing. Tuesday I think (it might change) will be for updates and Thankfulness. Thankful Tuesdays? Yeah, I'm feeling it.

Well, I already told you about the goodness of God in providing for us financially in a time that we really, REALLY needed it. He is so good. Well, he is continuing to show his goodness and provide for us in the process of searching for a new family vehicle. Currently we have a little Honda Civic. We love it. It worked for us when we were a family of 4 and only needing to load up 2 kids in 2 carseats. But now, very soon, we will have 3 little men in 3 carseats. Woah! That wouldn't fit in the Civic. We knew we needed another vehicle before our smallest guy gets here.

We prayed that God would provide the finances. He did. He is so good. Now we were praying that God would provide the right vehicle at the right amount. He is doing that. I posted a quick status on Facebook about needing a mini-van under $5,000 if anyone knows of good deals let me know. Within minutes a great friend replied that they are needing to sell their van to get something bigger. All of the details are falling into place and I truly know that it is God working to provide and show us that we are not forgotten. We are so very thankful for this family that is in our lives and the right circumstances at the right time.

Those are some big things that I am thankful for... I need to be thankful for the little things as well.

* My children. Goodness they are so beautiful.
* Prayer with my husband in the morning. It feels my heart with so much joy.
* Coffee. Man, 4:30/5:00 sometimes comes too early.
* Little kicks from a little baby. We have decided on a name and I cannot wait to hold him.
* Less than 7 weeks left to enjoy pregnancy. Praise God this baby is coming soon!


Have a wonderful day.

The Goodness of God.

I just need to express that God is so good.

I am very much a person that worries and will stress about any and every little detail of everything. Giving things to the Lord, trusting that he will provide, that he will help me and my family... that he will satisfy all of our needs... well, that has not come easy for me. I want to hold tight to my problems and worries and see that they are taken care of, that they are remembered and dealt with in MY time. But I have been learning.

My husband and I have another sweet son on the way very soon (about 8 weeks left soon!). With having a third child we realized that we needed a new car, a bigger car. I am a stay at home mama and currently my amazing hardworking hubby doesn't make as much as he'd like. We had no idea how we would be able to afford a mini-van. But God is good and he had a plan to provide for us.

Our plan became that we would use whatever money we receive from our tax returns to buy a new car. We were unsure how the taxes would look due to this being the first year that we are filing without me working, also, my husband received unemployment benefits and was out of work on and off. We were uncertain how much would be there.

Then the unexpected happened. Our main reliable car that gets us from A to B, well, that broke down. Something within the engine that would ultimately cost us close to $2000 to repair. We didn't have that much money lying around so onto the credit card we went. How are we going to afford the mini-van now?! Regardless, we needed to trust. We needed to have faith that God is our help and our provider. He will satisfy this need.

The day finally came that we were able to go in and get our taxes done. Nervous and worried as well as anxious. The tax preparer finally shows us how much we'll get from Federal. I can't speak. Plus, the amount from state. Don't cry, Becky. Don't cry. God you are so good. I look at my husband and can tell he has the same emotions going through him as well. God you went beyond what we expected.

Ultimately, due to God's goodness and grace we should have enough to buy a mini-van for our family, fix another car that we own (then sell it), then pay off one of our credit cards, and possibly have enough to place into savings. We were floored and knew that this would not have happened without God's willingness to provide after we had the willingness to trust in him. Thank you Jesus!


I love when something amazing happens and then you are able to have conversations that directly reflect that. I go to an amazing Mommy Bible Study group and today we talked about having a spirit of gratitude. Some days I feel that I am doing much better with this. Then there are other days where I am bitter that my great family is not blessed in the ways that I want us to be blessed! (I'm ridiculous I know). But I am going to take the Joy Dare that is on Ann Voskamp's website and begin recording the things that I am thankful for that the Lord was gracious enough to place into my life.

Here is the link to the March Joy Dare: http://www.aholyexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/JoyDareMarch.pdf

Among all of those moments I love what happened when we left the tax place and got into the car. My husband and I looked at eachother, reached for eachothers hands and together prayed and thanked God for providing and going above and beyond what we could have expected. I cried too. During this moment our 5 year old is sitting in the backseat witnessing it all. Over dinner I explained to him that God did something really great for our family. We need to thank our God because every good and perfect gift comes from him. I love moments that I can teach Iden about the character of God. That God loves and provides.


Today I am so thankful. <3