Father's Day 2012

All About My DAD

By: Iden Age: 5

My Daddy’s name is: Phillip

My Dad is 50 years old.

His hair is brown and his eyes are green.

My Dad’s favorite food is Burrito’s.

Daddy’s favorite color is red

because that’s my favorite color.

My Dad’s job is lights or scaffold’s.

He loves to eat at Chinese restaurants.

He’s smart because he knows math.

My Dad works hard at his job.

Daddy always tells me “I love you”.

I’m happy when Daddy helps me color and plays with me.

I love my Daddy because he works so hard at our house and at work.

Happy Father’s Day!

2012

The last time

Here I am, 38 weeks pregnant and wanting so desperately to not be pregnant anymore.

I love being pregnant, I really do.

I adore almost every moment of it: The expanding belly, the kicks and pushes, the little hiccups, the cravings, the love from my hubby and sweet boys.

Regardless of all these amazing moments, I want this baby out. I want him out so badly that I have actually been trying to force labor this time around. I have tried eating a super spicy bowl of green chili stew several times, minor contractions then nothing. I've walked quite a bit, minor contractions and horrible lower back pain then nothing. I have tried pumping which I have heard from a few people works... not for me. Tried a few times, minor contractions then nothing. Lastly, Phillip and I tried what got us into this baby mess in the first place ;) and of course minor (but stronger) contractions, then nothing.

I want this baby out for selfish reasons. My body is hurting horribly, I have backpain that I have never felt before and sometimes it makes me want to cry. I am tired all the time. This isn't great when you already have 2 boys and the days are beautiful. They want to play outside and I just want to lay in bed or on the couch. I'm cranky and taking it out on my husband and little men. No fun. I want to lose this baby weight already!

This morning, I woke up frustrated. I didn't want my husband to go to work. I wanted the both of us to be heading to the hospital, ready to go thru this bittersweet experience one last time. Then it hit me... this is the last time. The last time for so many things.

The last time... that we will be a family of 4.

The last time... Gage will be the baby.

The last time... I will be pregnant.

The last time... I will experience labor and snuggling a newborn.

The last time... that I will feel these kicks and pushes.

The last time... that my body will ever have 2 heartbeats inside it at one time.

The last time... my husband will kiss my belly to show love to a sweet child.

The last time... I can set Gage on top of my belly and not on my hip.

The last time... that Iden will snuggle on my belly for a pillow while watching tv.

The last time... that I will be able to sleep thru the night for a while!

The last time... that I will try to make something happen in my timing instead of God's time.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

I am a worrier, I overthink everything, I long to have control of any and all situations, I want things to happen the way that I hope and dream them to. All of my reasons for wanting Knox to be born now point only to me. I am selfish. I need my baby to grow, to develop his organs, to be strong. I need to be thankful for these last moments that God is giving me with Phillip, Iden and Gage. I need to pray for the changes that are to come and how this new baby will affect our family. I just need to stop complaining and be thankful.

Today, friends, I hope you are able to put your stress, worries, anxious thoughts aside and remember that God has great plans for you. Too many times I want things to happen in my planning and timing.. but when I wait on the Lord it comes out so much sweeter and so perfect. To him be the glory.


Becky

Baby #3 has a name... it is...

Phillip had a "Pamper Party" on Friday. So much fun! I love seeing my husband spend time and laugh with his friends. He has some pretty awesome friends. They blessed us with tons of diapers and wipes for our new little addition.
Towards the end of the party a few began asking questions about our little ones name... Phillip and I originally wanted to keep it quiet until his arrival. We did not want to hear other peoples views on it, hear how weird it is, how he would be made fun of... blah blah blah. But ultimately I'm not liking calling him "him", "he", or "baby". I want to say his name to our friends and family.
So they began guessing. The first clues were: 4 letters (because we have Iden and Gage we wanted to stick with that) and also that it is unique. The guesses started coming. Then I gave them another... It starts with a 'K'. So they began guessing Kody, Kale, Kyle, and some other very random names. It was fun. So we came to one more hint: the 'K' is silent. Many of them came very close! But one had the lightbulb idea to ask Iden what Baby brother's name will be and he of course blurted it out instantly. Don't trust a 5 year old with a secret! 
So here it is friends, Baby Boy #3 will be named:

Knox Michael Merritt

Becky 

Do you have time to... cuddle?

I had a reality check this morning. Seems to happen consistently in the morning. Maybe it is because I feel my best that early in the morning. I have usually read my bible, prayed with my husband, prayed by myself and I've usually had coffee and breakfast.
This morning I had only gotten in the prayer time with my husband when I had this morning time wake up call.

5:30 am. Early to some, this is normal for us. I should be sitting down to breakfast, coffee and an open bible but my husband is still rushing to grab everything and head out the door. Iden (our 5 year old), loves for daddy to say goodbye before he leaves for work... this morning he heard daddy heading for the door and came out of his room for his hug.

No big deal.

Then Phillip accidently spilled some coffee on the counter ledge and his lunch box while bending over for the morning squeeze.
He reacted and got frustrated.

Iden asked if he could stay out in the living room and sleep on the couch. We both quickly said, "no, it's too early, get back in bed." I can see the hurt as Iden heads back to his room. He wants something more than just sleeping on the couch.

Phillip is out the door, I am heading to Iden's room.

There he is, I can see his sweet face in the glow of his nightlight. He is snuggled up under his covers. Then he sees me and quietly whispers words that open my eyes...

"Mommy, do you have time to cuddle?"

What? Do I have time? Does my child really have to ask me if I have time for that? Does he need to ask for time to hug, kiss, cuddle, sit... really anything from me?

When did I get so busy with the simple things around the house (cleaning, laundry, picking up, making meals, changing diapers) that I have run out of time for my little men? To just be there to love on them when they crave it, to listen, to laugh, to teach, to learn? I am missing so many moments because I CLAIM to be so busy?

I want to be more intentional. I really want to pursue that. I want to hug more, and be frustrated less. I want to see them the way God does. OPEN MY EYES!

I immediately hopped into bed with him and scooped him close to me (difficult with the massive belly). What a moment that was. Flashes from the past almost 6 years started flowing through my mind. He falls asleep and begins to breath heavy in my arms. Soak this in. Remember this moment. Be filled with thanks and joy. This boy is now so big and tall and is constantly growing... I don't want him to grow in a direction away from me.

I want him to know that I am here.
My arms are open and so is my heart.
Mommy shouldn't always be angry and tired.
Mommy loves you so much sweet boy.

Thankful for starting the morning, before coffee and breakfast, with my sweet and compassionate son. That this morning he still wants to snuggle with his mama... one day he won't and my heart will break.

Go cuddle your sweet munchkins while you can.
Show them you love them.
Be thankful for those moments.
Don't let them slip by as routine.


Becky

Well, life is just crazy. I planned on doing the Joy Dare and keeping track of the many little and amazing things that God has blessed me with. Then I got sick and was lethargic and in bed for almost an entire week. I didn't write anything down, I didn't take any pictures (I also wanted to start doing a picture a day). But, I was able to rest thanks to my wonderful hubby. I was able to still read my daily bible reading... or have it read to me thanks to my Kindle Fire.

I keep saying that I want to blog more. I am actually going to schedule times and days for me to get this done. Sounds crazy but I think I need time to write, vent, show thankfulness, share about my family and maybe even brag/share about the craftsy and organizing things that I'm doing. Tuesday I think (it might change) will be for updates and Thankfulness. Thankful Tuesdays? Yeah, I'm feeling it.

Well, I already told you about the goodness of God in providing for us financially in a time that we really, REALLY needed it. He is so good. Well, he is continuing to show his goodness and provide for us in the process of searching for a new family vehicle. Currently we have a little Honda Civic. We love it. It worked for us when we were a family of 4 and only needing to load up 2 kids in 2 carseats. But now, very soon, we will have 3 little men in 3 carseats. Woah! That wouldn't fit in the Civic. We knew we needed another vehicle before our smallest guy gets here.

We prayed that God would provide the finances. He did. He is so good. Now we were praying that God would provide the right vehicle at the right amount. He is doing that. I posted a quick status on Facebook about needing a mini-van under $5,000 if anyone knows of good deals let me know. Within minutes a great friend replied that they are needing to sell their van to get something bigger. All of the details are falling into place and I truly know that it is God working to provide and show us that we are not forgotten. We are so very thankful for this family that is in our lives and the right circumstances at the right time.

Those are some big things that I am thankful for... I need to be thankful for the little things as well.

* My children. Goodness they are so beautiful.
* Prayer with my husband in the morning. It feels my heart with so much joy.
* Coffee. Man, 4:30/5:00 sometimes comes too early.
* Little kicks from a little baby. We have decided on a name and I cannot wait to hold him.
* Less than 7 weeks left to enjoy pregnancy. Praise God this baby is coming soon!


Have a wonderful day.

The Goodness of God.

I just need to express that God is so good.

I am very much a person that worries and will stress about any and every little detail of everything. Giving things to the Lord, trusting that he will provide, that he will help me and my family... that he will satisfy all of our needs... well, that has not come easy for me. I want to hold tight to my problems and worries and see that they are taken care of, that they are remembered and dealt with in MY time. But I have been learning.

My husband and I have another sweet son on the way very soon (about 8 weeks left soon!). With having a third child we realized that we needed a new car, a bigger car. I am a stay at home mama and currently my amazing hardworking hubby doesn't make as much as he'd like. We had no idea how we would be able to afford a mini-van. But God is good and he had a plan to provide for us.

Our plan became that we would use whatever money we receive from our tax returns to buy a new car. We were unsure how the taxes would look due to this being the first year that we are filing without me working, also, my husband received unemployment benefits and was out of work on and off. We were uncertain how much would be there.

Then the unexpected happened. Our main reliable car that gets us from A to B, well, that broke down. Something within the engine that would ultimately cost us close to $2000 to repair. We didn't have that much money lying around so onto the credit card we went. How are we going to afford the mini-van now?! Regardless, we needed to trust. We needed to have faith that God is our help and our provider. He will satisfy this need.

The day finally came that we were able to go in and get our taxes done. Nervous and worried as well as anxious. The tax preparer finally shows us how much we'll get from Federal. I can't speak. Plus, the amount from state. Don't cry, Becky. Don't cry. God you are so good. I look at my husband and can tell he has the same emotions going through him as well. God you went beyond what we expected.

Ultimately, due to God's goodness and grace we should have enough to buy a mini-van for our family, fix another car that we own (then sell it), then pay off one of our credit cards, and possibly have enough to place into savings. We were floored and knew that this would not have happened without God's willingness to provide after we had the willingness to trust in him. Thank you Jesus!


I love when something amazing happens and then you are able to have conversations that directly reflect that. I go to an amazing Mommy Bible Study group and today we talked about having a spirit of gratitude. Some days I feel that I am doing much better with this. Then there are other days where I am bitter that my great family is not blessed in the ways that I want us to be blessed! (I'm ridiculous I know). But I am going to take the Joy Dare that is on Ann Voskamp's website and begin recording the things that I am thankful for that the Lord was gracious enough to place into my life.

Here is the link to the March Joy Dare: http://www.aholyexperience.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/JoyDareMarch.pdf

Among all of those moments I love what happened when we left the tax place and got into the car. My husband and I looked at eachother, reached for eachothers hands and together prayed and thanked God for providing and going above and beyond what we could have expected. I cried too. During this moment our 5 year old is sitting in the backseat witnessing it all. Over dinner I explained to him that God did something really great for our family. We need to thank our God because every good and perfect gift comes from him. I love moments that I can teach Iden about the character of God. That God loves and provides.


Today I am so thankful. <3

My oldest son, Iden, goes to an awesome pre-school. He began going here because he had/has a speech delay. I love the teachers so much. I love the things that he learns. I love the small classroom size. I love the 3-4 hours I get at home of not needing to tell Iden where the bad guys are and that he needs to fight them. A very cool thing about his school is that they have special event nights every month or so. We hadn't gone to many the past few years but I'm glad we went last night! We had a blast!

Iden's teachers won a grant that gave each child in their Phonological program a FREE pair of TOMS! I was really excited about that. The kids even got to pick out what color they wanted. Iden chose Red. So, last night they had a 'ONE FOR ONE' night. They provided dinner: Pizza from Little Ceasars and salad, showed the TOMS documentary, the kids sang some songs, they read stories and did some fun crafts! It was a great way to end our week!

Iden decorated his TOMS with googly eyes, buttons, glue, fabric markers.

Super cool idea... but I'm glad he did this to shoes we didn't pay for LOL

We made a guitar out of rubber bands and a shoe box.

Gage LOVED it!!

Seriously, go do this to entertain your baby!

Oh, by the way I got a haircut. Hi bangs!

Another shot of Iden decorating his shoes :]

Making a sock puppet.

He got upset with us when we tried telling him how to do it.

So it's not your traditional sock puppet.

So proud of his creation!

I love that we are able to soak up memories like this. I want to be more craftsy with the boys at home. Finger painting, creating things... I want them to remember these things about their childhood. I need to make more time for them. I was convicted the other day with the thought that too often during the day when Iden asks to do something with me... play candyland, build legos, watch a movie, play super heros... my response is, "Not now honey, Mama needs to clean the house/Mama is too tired/ you need to clean your mess." Who have I become?! This is not the mama that I wanted to be. Then I think about how I would feel with that response from anyone... from my husband, my kids, a friend, from my God.

I need to make time for these precious moments.

The dishes can wait.

The laundry can be folded and put away later.

The mess on the table can wait.

Their mess can wait.

Facebook can wait.

Email can wait.

Blogging can wait.

Pinterest can wait.

My favorite show can wait.

But my children can't. They need the love. The attention. The joy. The laughter. They need these moments as much as I do.

Excuse me while I go play superheroes.

Fred

Yesterday was a hard day. I feel like I was in a bit of a funk because I knew what was going to happen. We had set the appointment to send our old mutt to "Doggy Heaven". A few months ago we started to really see old age and sickness set in. I took him to the vet after a few doggy accidents, days of not eating and another eye infection. They did some blood work at that time and said that he was in the middle stages of kidney failure. We were told it could progress quickly and he could be with us anywhere from a few days, to a few weeks to a few months. Part of me tried to prepare myself for that... but I kind of jokingly said to myself that he'll stay around for a few more years just to spite my husband.
At that time my son Iden asked some questions about what the "doggy doctor" was doing to Fred, if he was ok, etc. In alot of areas I want to be honest with my son, teach him lessons and not sugar coat the truth (In alot of areas, not all areas. We do try to protect him from alot!). So I did explain that the body parts inside Fred weren't working the way they are supposed to. He might be with us for a little while and all we can do is love on Fred and pray for him. He took that pretty well and became Fred's personal prayer warrior. We prayed for that dog at every meal and at bedtime.
The weeks went by and Fred had his good days and his bad ones. It was turning into more bad days then good. He would often go some days without eating. He was slimming down quick. Then it turned into accidents. Everywhere. Chasing two kids and cleaning up doggy accidents while pregnant is frustrating! Then he had accidents in his bed while sleeping. I knew then that I needed to call and make an appointment but I kept thinking about his good days and hoping that he'd do better. Then I noticed that he was having a hard time getting comfortable when he was trying to lay down, having a hard time getting up, having a hard time moving around in general. Fred also started having tremors in his legs. Lastly, he had accidents while he was eating his food. I knew that it was time.
I didn't tell Iden that Fred needed to go to some farm where he could run and play and get healthy. I told him that we were taking Fred to the vet and that she was going to give Fred something that would make him fall asleep and then wake up in "Doggy Heaven".
I said, "Iden, who do you think is the first person that we will see when we get to heaven?"
Iden: "We will see Jesus!"
Me: "Yes, so who will Fred see first?"
Iden: "He's going to see Jesus first."
Me: "Yes, and now Fred will belong to God and Jesus. They will give him a new doggy body and he won't hurt anymore. He won't have yuckies in his eyes anymore either."
Iden: "I think he'll get doggy wings because he's been a good dog. He's gonna be with us all the time now mom, watching over us."

I like to think that I'll see my dog in heaven one day. I had him for almost 16 years. I remember the fuzzball that he was as a little puppy. In a way he was alot like that dog in the movie "Marley & Me". He would try to run out of the house any chance he could. He would howl and bark. He did not get along with other dogs... he was a smaller dog but thought that he could take on a lab. He would go running with me in high school but it was more like flying a kite because he would be everywhere. He was there for me thru the breakups of bad boyfriends and hard times. He was mad when I brought home my first baby. He did not like Iden at first and did not like the tight hugs Iden would give him... he quickly had to get over that. He moved with us 3 times. He made our neighbors hate us because of his whining and howling. He ended his days getting pet and loved on by both Iden and Gage.

Right Now...

There are toys covering the living room.
A high chair that needs to be cleaned.
Dishes that need to be taken out of the dishwasher.
Dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher.
Little shoes that need to be put away.

There are hiccups going on inside me.
Two sweet boys sleeping.
An old pup curled by my feet.
Books and blogs to read on my kindle.

Today I laughed with Iden over his silly joke that he remembered:
"Mom, why do chickens sit on their eggs?"
"I don't know Iden, why?"
"Because they don't have chairs!!"
I can still picture him laughing. His eyes get squinty and he tilts his head back.
Gage was sitting in the highchair trying to imitate Iden by making a silly face.
I am so in love with my children.

Today I didn't just carry Gage as we took Iden to class.
I let him walk. He grasped a few of my fingers in his tiny hand.
He held on to me so tight.
And he looked around. Curious as can be.
He watched for big brother.
He watched the little girl putting her stuffed puppy down the slide.
He watched the little boys chasing each other.
He was cautious.
He looked up at me and I smiled down at him.
He smiled back then took off toward the playset.
Iden was there with open arms to guide him and protect him.
I am so in love with my children.


At the end of today I was and am feeling like a failure. I yelled at Iden. My house is not as clean as I want it to be. Dinner did not come out the way I wanted it to. I'm up later than I want to be.

Before I laid Iden down to sleep I said, "Iden, I love you. Even tho I get mad and yell, I love you. There isn't anything that you could ever do that will ever make me stop loving you. Sometimes we have bad days, but we start over in the morning. I love you."
I could tell by looking in his eyes that he heard me. That he believes me. "I love you too mom". Music to my heart. God is so much greater than our bad days, our crummy days, our emotional/hormonal days. God, help me to put this day behind me and start fresh in the morning. Help me to be a better mommy and wife daily.

Starting Fresh...

Hello There! I have been gone from the blogging world for quite a while and finally decided that I would jump back in. There have been quite a bit of changes going on in the Merritt household and I feel like I'm finally able to catch my balance and breath with everything that has gone on. I'm excited to start blogging and updating everyone on our current and future adventures!

Let's start with my boys:
Iden - my handsome boy just turned 5! I can't even believe it. I told him that I would cry when he turns 5 so he then went and told everyone that I would be crying at his party. Come enjoy the party and cupcakes and my emotional mom crying! But yes, I did tear up while we sang Happy Birthday (very much like I did at his first birthday). He is amazing. He is showing that he will be a kind, compassionate boy. He's smart, witty, and funny. Full of energy and always wanting to please everyone. He loves his little brother with all of his heart and it shows in how he sings to him and plays with him. Please stop growing my sweet love!
Gage - our sweet little guy will already be one next month. Again, I can't believe it. He brings me and Phillip so much joy and is a wonderful child! We are truly blessed! Right now he has his two bottom front teeth with two top front teeth slowly coming in. Even through teething he is a champ and an overall happy child. He crawls like he is on a mission and is fast! He is taking more and more steps daily! I think that he tries to show off more when daddy is home. He is over eating baby food and just wants finger foods and to try what we are eating. He is curious and adventurous. He adores his big brother... follows him, watches him, laughs at him, looks for him, smiles for him. It is beyond anything I imagined to see brothers growing up together. Beautiful.

Baby bump?
God has blessed us with another munchkin on the way! We were not planning on more children for AT LEAST 5 years! But, God has other plans. I was surprised when I went to the doctor for other reasons to hear the words, "You're pregnant". Phillip is still getting over the shock! This baby has been completely different from the other two. I have been and continue to be horribly sick with morning sickness. I am absolutely exhausted. Haven't gained any weight thus far. My belly does seem different then it was with the boys. I am leaning more towards girl but trying not to get hopeful. In all honesty we would be happy with either a boy or a girl! If we have another boy then there may be adoption or one more try down the road. If it is a girl then we may just call it quits after her birth. We'll see, we find out December 12th so stay tuned! This sweet baby will be due May 2, 2012. I'm looking forward to having a baby during the spring time instead of fall/winter.

What else?
Phillip got a great new job! Praise God! He is in an electrician apprenticeship program (I'm so proud!). So far he is really enjoying it and learning so much. The hard part is that he has a crazy schedule which has been difficult for his body to adjust to. I honestly have no idea how he does it. I need sleep at the same time every night for at least 9 hours... and then maybe a nap! He is also gone quite a bit which took some getting used to, especially while I was battling morning sickness and chasing down two kids. I think we have finally gotten there. I am ready to get back into a better family routine for myself, my kids, my home and my sanity. I am going to start pushing myself to wake up earlier, tackle some routine with cleaning the house, meal planning, studying God's word, as well as being more intentional about my time with my children. I'm really looking forward to this and was so excited that I decided to begin blogging again. Instead of going to bed at a decent time I decided to sit here and type! Goodness.

Tomorrow is a new day and looking forward to starting it off right! :]

Sleep

Last night Gage slept from 10:30pm - 7:00am. IT WAS AMAZING! I think he sensed that mama needed sleep just cause she's mama and daddy needed sleep after his first week of work. He's doing pretty great at sleeping at night, usually gives us at least 5 hours of straight sleep. Also, today we managed to get both boys down for nap AT THE SAME TIME! It was pretty awesome as well, I didn't know what to do with myself! So I napped too! :]

Having a second child is alot harder than what I expected.  I just thought things would be different... not neccesarily better or worse... just different. But it has definitely been hard. I've wanted to write my son's letters and take more pictures and write his birth story... but things have gotten in the way.
Breastfeeding, baths, story time, legos, cuddling, napping, coffee breaks, water breaks, cookie baking, coloring and having my arms occupied by a beautiful baby have gotten in the way... and I couldn't be happier.
Iden has been amazing. He is so proud to be a big brother. He is understanding and loving and simply proud. He wants to show everyone his baby brother and tell them all about him. It's so precious and beautiful. He loves to hold Gage. In the morning waking up Iden used to be difficult, he's much like his mama and loves sleep. Now I walk in there and ask if he wants to cuddle with his brother... His eyes open immediately and he scoots over to make room and gently holds his brother in his arms. He sings a song to him that he made up about how much he loves him. He gives him "kissing hands". He tells him that he will always protect him. I knew that he would be a great big brother but he has gone far beyond what I expected.
Phillip is so handsome when he holds our son. I never experienced those late night diaper changes and feedings with Iden's dad... it was just me. They were different moments. It was bonding between me and Iden. This time I see bonding between Gage and his father. Priceless. Gage smiles so big when Phillip changes his diaper. For the past 8 weeks Phillip has had so much strength and understanding helping me with the boys and helping me get thru post partum issues. He is so deeply in love with our boys. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father for my children. I fall in love with him more and more every day.
As for Gage, he is already 8 weeks old and I packed away all newborn size clothing. He doesn't look like a newborn anymore. He has already grown so much. He is strong just as I knew he would be. He has a strong grip and he has been holding his head up since he was about a week old. He is alert and has beautiful bright eyes. He loves this little family and we adore him. Last night Gage slept from 10:30pm - 5:30am... it was amazing! I love him so much.

Less than 4 weeks to go!

Here I am 36 wks and 3 days pregnant.

I have days where I feel ready to have this baby...

and days where I am totally content with waiting it out until December 30th.

I am ready because: we have been praying for this child for quite some time. I cannot wait to see how much my son looks like my husband. I can't wait to see my husband hold our child, or to see my son kiss his brother on the cheek. I can't wait to hold Gage and tell him how loved he is. I want to swaddle him and cuddle and hear him cry in the middle of the night and tell him I'm here, everything is going to be ok. We have everything we need to welcome him home: the clothes and blankets are all washed, the bassinet is next to my bed and ready for him, the car seat is strapped in our car... the diaper bag and hospital bag will be packed soon (I promise!).

I am totally okay with waiting because: I haven't baked any christmas cookies yet (that is seriously my top concern), I don't feel mentally prepared for labor, insurance still hasn't fully kicked in (thanks state of NM for sucking at everything!), my husband is searching for a job. I haven't packed our hospital bag or the diaper bag, I think it mainly comes down to I haven't baked christmas cookies yet lol.

I'm nervous for what the future holds... 2 boys (bring on the ruckus!), routines/schedules, breastfeeding: hoping I can produce it for a longer period of time, when in the world will I nap?

I'm so blessed to have this beautiful little family.

We all can't wait to meet Gage. Sweetheart, come when you are ready.

Ordinary Moments

I love taking in this day to day life. Things are not necessarily perfect and no we are not living the American Dream but we are on the road to happiness. Obstacles seem to be thrown at us from every direction, but guaranteed they can't and won't bring us down. We're stronger than that.

Today was great. Nothing amazing about it at all, but it was great. A day spent with my son and my husband and feeling content and happy. Iden said it was the best day ever. The best part of it was going to the park and seeing Phillip and Iden run and play and laugh. I can close my eyes and see it all in slow motion. I sat in the sun and just smiled and was able to take it all in. My son loves this man so much and vice versa. It's so beautiful to see them bond.

I love moments like this. Moments where I am here. I am not at work feeling rushed and stressed and overwhelmed. I am not on the other end of the phone hearing about the laughter and great times. I am here. I am no longer missing out on the moments, I am living in them.

To all the mom's and dad's out there... be here. Be a part of those ordinary day-to-day moments. Life is so beautiful.

Letter for my boys

Dear Iden,

I want you to know how proud I am of you. There has been so much change and transition going on around you and you have done so well dealing with it all. You work so hard to please your mommy and daddy and to meet our expectations. I know somedays that it is hard on you, but know that you are loved and we are so proud to call you ours.

This week we have seen you around several babies and I am looking forward to seeing you become an amazing big brother. You have such a kind and gentle heart, you will be such a great leader for your baby brother. I love how excited you are for the baby to get here, I love seeing/hearing you talk to the baby and tell him what you are doing, and I especially love feeling your tiny hands on my belly so you can see if the baby is "bumping". I love you so much and always will.

Love,

Your Mama

Dear Gage,

As I'm writing this letter, you are pushing and kicking like crazy. You are growing so strong and it feels me up with so much joy. Your daddy and I have been praying for you far before your heart started beating, we are very excited to hold you and meet you. The last week it has been really setting in for me that you will be here soon... I want you to know that we are praying for you every day. We pray that you will be born a healthy and strong baby boy. We pray that we will be great parents for you and that God will lead us so that we can lead you. We pray that you will grow to be a man of character and integrity. We love you so much already, son. God has great plans for you. I love you so much and always will.

Love,

Your Mama

Transitions

Lately the best thing I get to hear my almost 4 year old little boy say is: Daddy. In any sentence it makes my heart melt...

"Daddy I love you."

"Daddy, will you play with me?"

"Look, Daddy."

Yes, most children start calling their fathers daddy much sooner, mine just started and I'm loving it.

Phillip and I met when Iden was only 8 months old. Iden has a father and he was sort of a part of his life at the time and I never wanted him to be confused about who was 'dad'. Phillip at the time was always referred to as "Phill". No other name was ever brought up and we never forced or taught him to call Phillip anything else.

Shortly after Iden turned 2, Phillip and I got married. A few days after we got married, Iden started calling Phillip "Papa". It was as if he knew that we were a family at this point. We didn't tell him to call Phillip this new name... we had never even said anything like that around him. It stuck and it was wonderful. Hearing my son calling my husband 'Papa' would bring a big smile on my face. We thought that he would always be 'Papa'... but Iden decided to change that.

Now that we have been married for almost 2 years and have a baby on the way, Iden has decided to give Phillip a new name... Daddy. Sometimes it's just Dad but majority of the time it's Daddy. I LOVE IT! He made this transition on his own... we didn't force him or teach him to say this. I don't know if he's heard his friends at school say "Daddy" but regardless we love it. It was all on his timing.

Getting Settled

Phillip and I have official been out of our home for a week now. It really is a strange feeling and we're both slightly depressed about it. Despite the current circumstance we are thankful for how things have turned out. We are now able to save money and destroy our debt (yay!) and we are not needing to sell our home. Thank you God!

A few months ago Phillip was laid off from his job. This was unsettling to us because he was a good, hard worker. He had been there for a few years and was liked by the people he worked for. Well, 'due to lack of money and lack of work' they let a majority of their good workers go. They decided to hang onto some workers that they believed were good workers (but ultimately they aren't). Phillip did not receive any type of severence package which was really hard on us. Right away we had to ask ourselves what do we do now?

With a baby on the way and a wife that is yearning to be a stay-at-home-mon (SAHM), we weren't left with too many options. We prayed about wisdom and direction often and everything was pointing us in a very specific direction.

Phillip currently does not have a degree and has been wanting to go back to school, we were just needing an opening and money to make that happen. Thankfully, when  you get laid off you are then able to accept unemployment. Even better, if you go to school you can continue to receive the unemployment without needing to look for work. Both of our families are supporting our decision for Phillip to go to school full time and for that to be his main focus, I am so excited for him.

Now that we had a plan of what Phillip was going to do we had to decide what we would do about our living situation. Again, we prayed and God led. We were thinking about selling our home. But then something better came along... my uncle happened to be moving to our city and was needing to RENT a home! We willingly offered our home and they happily accepted it. As for where Phillip, myself and our son would live... well we had an offer we couldn't refuse...

My parents offered for us to move in with them. They have 2 rooms available in their house. So it worked. Phillip and I have had to condense ALOT! We have trashed so much stuff, given bags and bags and boxes to Goodwill, reduced and then reduced some more! We have alot of our furniture in a 10x15 storage unit now and it is pretty close to exploding. Iden currently has his own bedroom and when the baby gets here they will share. Phillip and I are in the bedroom I grew up in and I think we're both having a hard time adjusting to the small space.

Currently OUR bathroom is in the process of being remodeled (which is really exciting and my mom is super happy that it is getting done) BUT it's taking alot longer than expected. In our bathroom there is only a sink. So that means that there are 5 people that are sharing one bathroom that is in my parents bedroom... craziness I tell you.

Throughout the process of unpacking we are realising that we still have too much stuff... so we're getting rid of more stuff and trying to condense and make it work. As much as I love organizing... this is really tiring and time consuming. Especially for a full-time working pregnant mama. Whew! Boxes are almost empty and soon I will be able to paint both rooms and hang up pictures which I hope will make it feel more like home. Any advice on making space/organizing/decorating small spaces?


- Becky