There are toys covering the living room.
A high chair that needs to be cleaned.
Dishes that need to be taken out of the dishwasher.
Dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher.
Little shoes that need to be put away.
There are hiccups going on inside me.
Two sweet boys sleeping.
An old pup curled by my feet.
Books and blogs to read on my kindle.
Today I laughed with Iden over his silly joke that he remembered:
"Mom, why do chickens sit on their eggs?"
"I don't know Iden, why?"
"Because they don't have chairs!!"
I can still picture him laughing. His eyes get squinty and he tilts his head back.
Gage was sitting in the highchair trying to imitate Iden by making a silly face.
I am so in love with my children.
Today I didn't just carry Gage as we took Iden to class.
I let him walk. He grasped a few of my fingers in his tiny hand.
He held on to me so tight.
And he looked around. Curious as can be.
He watched for big brother.
He watched the little girl putting her stuffed puppy down the slide.
He watched the little boys chasing each other.
He was cautious.
He looked up at me and I smiled down at him.
He smiled back then took off toward the playset.
Iden was there with open arms to guide him and protect him.
I am so in love with my children.
At the end of today I was and am feeling like a failure. I yelled at Iden. My house is not as clean as I want it to be. Dinner did not come out the way I wanted it to. I'm up later than I want to be.
Before I laid Iden down to sleep I said, "Iden, I love you. Even tho I get mad and yell, I love you. There isn't anything that you could ever do that will ever make me stop loving you. Sometimes we have bad days, but we start over in the morning. I love you."
I could tell by looking in his eyes that he heard me. That he believes me. "I love you too mom". Music to my heart. God is so much greater than our bad days, our crummy days, our emotional/hormonal days. God, help me to put this day behind me and start fresh in the morning. Help me to be a better mommy and wife daily.
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Girl, there are so many days that I go to bed feeling that same way... "I am a terrible Mother, a terrible wife, why was I even blessed with these great kids?" I have been so impatient and grumpy with this pregnancy. The last week it has finally seemed to lift and I am feeling SO much more "me". There are still moments when I yell and then at bedtime have to ask my child for forgiveness and remind her that when mommy starts to get grumpy remind me to pray. You aren't alone Becky, and you most definitely aren't a failure!
ReplyDeleteBecky, you are so precious! I love seeing pictures of you and your family. God has truly blessed you and I know that you are an incredible mother to those boys. THanks for sharing your thoughts :)
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